2012: A year of sorrow.

I have said this many times. 2012 was absolutely the worst year of my life. It was filled with one horrible experience after another. I found out I was pregnant the first week of January. I thought 2012 was going to be amazing. I was pregnant with our first child and couldn't be happier. Then I had my first ultrasound and that was without question the worst day of the worst year. Imagine, going in thinking you are going to see your beautiful growing baby on that screen with their heart beating away only to find out your baby was already gone. At first I couldn't talk or even think. My whole world just fell apart in an instant. I just didn't understand. I had all the symptoms, including terrible morning sickness, so how could anything be wrong? I felt betrayed by my own body. My heart was shattered and I had no idea how to put it back together. I have had more earlier losses since then, but I won't go into every detail. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my angel babies. I can't tell you how much it tears you up inside. It's enough to bring any woman to her knees. I have asked God over and over why this has happened to me. I don't know the answer to that. Nobody can tell me that. But for whatever reason, when I am finally able to hold my child in my arms and bring them home, that will be the best day of my life. And I pray that day is soon.